Parenting Teenagers

My eldest son JM, is already 21 years old.  Gladly, I was able to surpass the teenage parenting with him with not so much problems encountered.  I might not be able to use and follow the same teenage parenting technique with my youngest son Yahmir, who is 11 years old because he is much more stubborn than his elder brother 

It is a fact that in this era almost everything has changed.  We need to face these realities and find ways on how we can adapt to it.

Dating is now called “hooking up”, whether it’s by facebook, plurk, skype, yahoo messenger and the most common “texting”, that’s how mostly the teenagers will meet and chat-up members of the opposite sex.  They are spending a lot of time in these media.

Well, fortunately we can also use these technologies to keep tab on our teens.  We ought to put the computer in a place that can be easily accessed by the family like the living room.  In this way, we can casually monitor their communications and put a limit in accessing social networking. Parents know more than anyone how important Websafety truly is for our children. We therefore, can easily implement a house rule of no surfing, cellphone or landlines calls beyond a reasonable hour like 10 pm or so.

It is difficult to keep track of our teen’s friends especially since he probably bloats his facebook page with every friend invite.  I, myself could no longer identify my facebook friends ahaha.

We opt to stay in touch with friends who our children actually see in real life.  I make sure I have the cellphone numbers of some of their close friends and I also let them get invited in certain family occasions to know them personally.

Mind you, girls chase boys too, as I’ve experienced with JM. Traditional dating roles have been reversed many times over with a lot more conviction.  Some girls make the moves, get aggressive and send flirty notes.

We should speak in a friendly tone when we need to do a one-on-one conference with our teenager.  Listen well, ask with clarity and do not blame.

Talk about dating, and what comes next.  I talk straight about sex and exchange ideas, so I will know their point of view about it.

Most of the time, it is tough to get their attention.  There is scientific evidence that all the raging hormones in a teen make it challenging for them to stay still and listen.  So, when it is my turn to talk, as much as possible I make it brief and straight to the point.

I made it clear also that we (my husband and I) had decided the age on when can they date with the opposite sex.   At what age, can they go for an official date with defined parameters in transportation, activities and curfew.  I always point out and instill in their minds that they need to finish their studies first and establish their own careers before getting into a serious relationship.   

Teenagers usually use their feelings and emotions, thus making it hard for them to realize and know the difference between crush and love. We need to teach them how to use mind over matter.  They need our guidance, so as I was always saying in my previous posts, always keep the channels of communication between you and your children open. 

I would like to emphasize that the ways and tips I mentioned above are based on my personal experience and sharing it to you only to serve as a guide.  Our children possess different personalities, so as different strategies may apply.

Lovingly written by Joy


Sie said...

Hello kids are little pa 6 and 3 but it is scary really if they will be teenagers na lalo na I am a single parent so all the disciplining will be from me..I was not hard headed when I was a teen..I'll go home straight from school..your right Ms.Joy kids have changed now a days..aha hooking up pala yun hahaha..we need also to adapt to their lifestyle so we can understand them..but at the end of the day we should make them see that we are their parents and they must follow our is for their own sake naman because we love them..

lunch time Ms.Joy :) 

Pinx said...

this is so helpful mommy Joy! like Sie, my boys are still young, but you know what, as early as now, i think of what the future lies for them, i can't help but be worried when these things you've mentioned above will happen to me. it's scary for me kasi i haven't been to your shoes yet, and i can proudly say that i have been a good daughter. when my dad told me to finish my studies first and get a decent job, i did, and never entering into a relationship until i was sure and ready. i just hope that i will be able to instill that too in my boys...naku! boys pa naman ang sa akin... hahahaha!

joysflair said...

Just finished eating lunch with my son JM, graveyard shift sya kaya para din wala akong kasama sa bahay pag daytime dahil tulog sya, si yahmir nasa school, si husband nasa work, hayz!

We can implement rules naman na hindi ma-iistress-out ang mga anak natin. yan ang isa sa binago kong patakaran ng pagpapalaki ng bata. with my mom before, she's too strict, hindi nababali ang utos nya the reason why i learned to hide things from her, but still i abide, i finished my studies din hihi. 

joysflair said...

i learned one lesson Pinx, we cannot compare ourselves with our kids. we cannot force them to be like us. we have them to give them the freedom to choose and develop their own personality, only what we can do is to guide them walk in the right path :)

Vivapinay said...

This is very helpful Mommy Joy.. I will keep this in mind when raising my grade schoolers.

by the way, liked your FB fanpage and subscribed by email. 

The Average Jane said...

I hope that I too can pass the parenting teenagers stage unscathed.  Thankfully its still a long way to go yet.  =)

joysflair said...

thank you very much sis, same here i subscribed on your blog ;)

joysflair said...

Hello! Thank you for dropping by :)

you will be ready by then hihi

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