I believe that there is no stubborn child by nature. Some of my friends keep on asking me why my sons JM and Yahmir are not bullheaded. They told me theirs were so hardheaded, tough and naughty that no matter how much they cajole and threaten them, they just won't budge. I always answer them that my sons were no exception especially my youngest son who’s having an ADHD syndrome. We, their parents also had passed the stage of being stubborn when we were still young. We only have to teach them that despite of stubbornness they should learn how to obey. I learned from my Mom that we parents has to handle and deal with it the sooner-the-better,or the younger the kids-the-better. My Mom always reminds us “putulin ang sungay habang bata pa, wag hayaang mag-sanga at tubuan ng buntot” (cut the horn, never allow it to put forth branches and do not let a tail grow while still young)
Here are some Tips on how to handle and deal with stubborn kids.
- Start them young, instill in their young minds the good manners and right behavior in any given situation. Speak to a level that they can easily understand. If he comes to the point of being naughty and misbehaving, try to show understanding than showing disapproval.
- Do not immediately argue, know and understand the root of their stubbornness. Simply state your stand, the reasons for it and make known to them the consequences of disobedience.
- This is a hard thing to do – never get angry, instead talk to them calmly pointing out the reason why he has to do it or refrain from doing it. Anger only serves to fan the flames. In case, you cannot hold your anger anymore, I find it no harm to show it to them once in a while, but give them time to speak up for themselves, and give them time to think.
- If the cause of the hardheadedness is not an issue, you can negotiate and discuss that with your kid and you both come to compromise. It is important to identify the problem. Alibis, irrational fears to resistance to change or just a simple attack of rebellion are the most common causes of being a bullheaded.
- Be firm in your decisions and praise his good deeds and cooperation, you may give rewards but also make clear to them the consequences of non compliance
- Do not interrupt when your kid is talking; lend your ears, let him express his thoughts and opinions.
- Parental guidance is always a must for every child. Be close to your kids and talk to them about good and bad.
- Try to see things through their point of view and try to solve the problem without hurting your kid.
- Show respect so as you will gain it back. If you want to let him do something for you, try to avoid conflict, make time to your request so it will not interrupt him while he is doing something else. Let him finish what he’s doing first.
- Most of all, you must need a lot of patience in order to deal or handle a stubborn kid. Make them be aware of your expectations – that they should exhibit proper behavior even when you are not around to remind them.
- And, lastly, as I always keep on saying in my former posts, open the channels of communication between you and your kids.